squid fucking potato on inflatable raft in matamor as tao and ellen watching 
happy







some of my happiest moments in life occur on AOL instant messenger

i will create a new category
on my instant messenger buddy list

i will call it
'people i like who don't like me back'

and i will move your screen name into that group
and i will invite you to my house and show you

and you will say, 'if i didn't like you why did i come over'
and you will look at my face
and i will have an honest answer for your question
i will tell you that you came over to be polite

and after a while you will go home
and you won't call
and i won't either
and after a while i won't like you anymore
and after a while we'll forget each other
and after a while you will be beautiful and alone inside of your coffin
and i'll be cold and alone inside of my coffin






ellen tao ellen room bioluminescent giant squid missed because asleep








the MFA in hamsters

at the table is a moose, a bear, a cow, a hamster

all have neutral facial expressions

the bear reads its short story

the room is small and when the moose moves it makes a hole in the wall

and goes through the hole to wyoming, where it lives

the cow sits and falls because cows can't sit

the bear sits on the cow

the cow squirms a little

the bear pets the cow's face and the cow stops squirming

the cow is afraid

the bear scratches the cow's face a little

a human comes in

'is this the MFA in hamsters?' the human says

the human is nervous and begins to read his short story

the bear claws the back of the human's head and the human dies

blood gets on the hamster

the hamster shakes its body

this has been the MFA in hamsters

if you like what you have read please fill out a FAFSA form to determine if you are eligible for financial aid

the MFA in hamsters is a two-year residency program which culminates in the submission of a creative thesis

with the spirit of an arts colony and the benefits of the research university of which we are a part the MFA in 
hamsters continues to foster and to celebrate american literature in all its varied forms

we look forward to working with you, especially if you are a talented young hamster with mainstream cultural 
and political awareness, an interesting background, and a sort of half-assededly nihilistic worldview that can, 
ultimately, be interpreted by michiko kakutani, benjamin kunkel, and whoever the current fiction editor of the 
new yorker is as 'life-affirming,' 'refreshingly optimistic,' and 'free of the crippling irony that plaques 
much of our younger writers'




obese squirrel






hot amoeba ass

at kinko's i blew-up the slide of the amoeba's ass 10,000,000 times; i took the amoeba

ass photos out in the taxi cab and quietly said, 'oh my god'; at kinko's i said,

'are you sure you can't make it any bigger?' i sweated and fell down

screaming, 'it can't go any bigger, it can't go any bigger!' i called my mother

and hanged up sweating; i removed the bed, table, desk, and chair

from my room; i pasted amoeba ass photos on the floor,

ceiling, and walls; i fell down masturbating; i stared

at the $100,000 electron-scanning microscope on the computer screen; driving home

from the biochemical store i fell out of the car screaming, 'amoeba ass is so hot!'

in my room i broke the microscope and rubbed the slide sample on my face

i very quietly went to the corner of my room and sat down shaking  

i hugged myself and stared with a worried expression

and quietly thought, 'there are five billion amoeba asses on my face'





ellen wearing hog mask with interplanetary blue whale mask







peruvian jungle pig